You know when a couple splits have split up quite often there is a division of a lot of things. If they have lived together it gets complicated. Splitting up personal possessions and deciding who gets the outdoor setting you bought together. If you haven't lived together there is the giving back of clothes and toiletries. The ritualistic deleting of your relationship on facebook and happy couple snaps is tedious but as I said, ritualistic. Then comes the friendships.
And that's when things start to get tricky. How do you stop being friends with someone just because they were friends with your former partner first? There doesn't seem to be any etiquette on what is arguably one of the most controversial of tests at the end of a relationship. It seems the messier the break up the more likely sides will be taken. Those that say they are going to remain impartial inevitably do take a side without even realising it.
In the last couple of years I have noticed that when relationships dissolve it seems to be a case of "well they were my friends first." For me, I simply say well it's not a big deal. Those that I have made a legitimate connection with rather than them being my friend because of my partner, they will stick around. Those that don't? Not really that big of a loss. But it truly is a big test of friendship. One of my closest friends was a friend I met because she started dating my (now ex) partner's best mate. It quickly became evident that she was awesome and since I was as well we should definitely be friends. She now has a new partner and I absolutely adore him. They recently had a child together and I am that beautiful baby boy's godmother and I couldn't be more proud. I am his Aunty Huni and I love it.
Friendships are like flowers, they start as seeds and grow. Sometimes they became great big hard wearing rose bushes which blooms more every year. And sometimes they never make it past the seedling stage.
I feel fortunate for the friends I have regardless of whose friend they were first. My true friends will read this and know it is about them. And let's face it my not-so-true friends probably won't read it at all.
Peace out flowers
xxx
Tuesday, 26 April 2011
Sunday, 24 April 2011
Zombie Weekend
Ok so, Zombie weekend. The weekend formerly known as Easter? Where a whole heap of the globe celebrates the 3days after a man was "allegedly" beaten to death on a cross, laid to rest in a tomb and then rose up and walked away. So people celebrate by buying chocolates and fluffy bunnies to defend themselves against the evil zombie scourge. No? Shit! I think my imagination may have gotten away from me.
I may be a little bitter about this whole Easter thing. Don't get me wrong, I truly respect peoples rights to worship whomever they want, whenever they want and if you get some chocolate out of it than woohoo! But this year is weird for me because I am spending Easter alone. My kid is with her Dad no doubt gorging herself on chocolatey goodness and being spoilt rotten by her Ninny (aka Grandmother) and Step-Mum. My parents are spending the weekend helping an awesome couple celebrate their nuptials, after being together since high school.One of my housemates is spending the weekend with his family and the other one is away working.
And the boyfriend is waaaaay across the other side of the globe. So this little duck is spending Easter without chocolate (OMG) in front of the TV and computer. Now before you start thinking to yourself "does this chick want my sympathy?" I actually don't. This weekend has been pretty cool. I have bummed around the house, drank by myself (alcoholic? hmmmm....) and watched Got To Dance. It's given me a taste of what my weekends could be like once I have a house to myself. And as much as I enjoy the company of others I do enjoy some alone time. Which is definitely a stride in the right direction for me.
For the longest time I couldn't stand to be alone. Just ask my mum! Now I am grateful for it. Gives me time to reflect and think. Like this morning, I had a message from a "friend" who wanted to know why they weren't invited to my birthday party next weekend. Usually I would be so scared of someone not liking me that I would bow to confrontation and just invite them. But I have decided that since I am turning 28, I am not going to bow out. This person never contacts me, pretends they think the world of me at parties and then throws attention seeking fits and wonders why I don't want them at my party? Yes ladies and gentleman I got defriended! By a guy who is obviously very hurt and insulted by my clearly selfish behaviour of wanting my birthday to be about.... well., me.
So Zombie weekend? Told you someone was eating brains.
xxx
I may be a little bitter about this whole Easter thing. Don't get me wrong, I truly respect peoples rights to worship whomever they want, whenever they want and if you get some chocolate out of it than woohoo! But this year is weird for me because I am spending Easter alone. My kid is with her Dad no doubt gorging herself on chocolatey goodness and being spoilt rotten by her Ninny (aka Grandmother) and Step-Mum. My parents are spending the weekend helping an awesome couple celebrate their nuptials, after being together since high school.One of my housemates is spending the weekend with his family and the other one is away working.
And the boyfriend is waaaaay across the other side of the globe. So this little duck is spending Easter without chocolate (OMG) in front of the TV and computer. Now before you start thinking to yourself "does this chick want my sympathy?" I actually don't. This weekend has been pretty cool. I have bummed around the house, drank by myself (alcoholic? hmmmm....) and watched Got To Dance. It's given me a taste of what my weekends could be like once I have a house to myself. And as much as I enjoy the company of others I do enjoy some alone time. Which is definitely a stride in the right direction for me.
For the longest time I couldn't stand to be alone. Just ask my mum! Now I am grateful for it. Gives me time to reflect and think. Like this morning, I had a message from a "friend" who wanted to know why they weren't invited to my birthday party next weekend. Usually I would be so scared of someone not liking me that I would bow to confrontation and just invite them. But I have decided that since I am turning 28, I am not going to bow out. This person never contacts me, pretends they think the world of me at parties and then throws attention seeking fits and wonders why I don't want them at my party? Yes ladies and gentleman I got defriended! By a guy who is obviously very hurt and insulted by my clearly selfish behaviour of wanting my birthday to be about.... well., me.
So Zombie weekend? Told you someone was eating brains.
xxx
Sunday, 17 April 2011
Being A Single Mum
Ok before I get to heavy, I just want to make it very clear that I have shared custody of my beautiful daughter and her Dad is one of the best Dad's I have ever known.
L's dad and I split some 2 and a half years ago. The split was as amicable as a relationship break can be. It came from very left field for C, but for me it was inevitable. We lived together up until nearly 6 months ago for a number of reasons. One reason being that it allowed Lily to adjust to the fact that her parents were no longer a couple but still very much a team and another because it was cheaper for us both.
Having just come home from having dinner with C and his wonderful girlfriend at their home (yummy stir-fry) I am reminded of how lucky I am. C's girlfriend and I were out in the driveway and C came out to see that we were still standing there talking to each other. So with promises of catching up soon for coffee I got in my car and drove home, which incidentally is only a 3-4 minute drive at best. Pulling up in my driveway I really did start to think about how lucky I was. E (C's girlfriend) and I get along great, C is my best friend and Lily gets to see her parents getting along on a regular basis.
C and I have maintained a good relationship because it is what is best for L, but we also like each other. I know I genuinely enjoy his company. Which when you have to talk about schooling, child support payments and play dates etc, is very helpful. Tonight we discussed pulling L out of day care permanently. She is attending kindy 5 days a fortnight as well as being at day care the days she isn't at school. The cost, for me at least, was beginning to hurt the hip pocket.
It's been a long time since I was a "stay at home mum." But I am working as an independent sales consultant and working on my novel, so I am for the most part at home anyway. But the reason we kept L in day care was because she is an active child and needs an extreme amount of attention. When I was working full time and she was at day care it was easier for all involved. But she has gotten a little older now and with her attending school it seems like the right thing to do for all of us. But I am scared shitless.
Change does that to me. I live very much in my head and constantly worry about the outcome of decisions, especially decisions as important as this one. It can't be a trial basis, we are pulling her out of day care and if her or I don't like it, well pretty much tough titties.
I know I have it a lot better than thousands of single parents out there. Lily's Dad is an active part of her and my lives, if I need a break him or E will help me pick up the slack. But for me this is scary. My share of L's custody has just drifted up by about 20% and yes I am in a relationship but no he won't be helping me raise my daughter (more on that one later).
So after Easter it's all hands on deck, quite possibly just my two (eek) and anchors away. Ok I really suck at sailing analogies. And I know some of you are probably wondering why I am making such a big deal out of this, but it is a big deal for me.
Wish me luck
xxx
L's dad and I split some 2 and a half years ago. The split was as amicable as a relationship break can be. It came from very left field for C, but for me it was inevitable. We lived together up until nearly 6 months ago for a number of reasons. One reason being that it allowed Lily to adjust to the fact that her parents were no longer a couple but still very much a team and another because it was cheaper for us both.
Having just come home from having dinner with C and his wonderful girlfriend at their home (yummy stir-fry) I am reminded of how lucky I am. C's girlfriend and I were out in the driveway and C came out to see that we were still standing there talking to each other. So with promises of catching up soon for coffee I got in my car and drove home, which incidentally is only a 3-4 minute drive at best. Pulling up in my driveway I really did start to think about how lucky I was. E (C's girlfriend) and I get along great, C is my best friend and Lily gets to see her parents getting along on a regular basis.
C and I have maintained a good relationship because it is what is best for L, but we also like each other. I know I genuinely enjoy his company. Which when you have to talk about schooling, child support payments and play dates etc, is very helpful. Tonight we discussed pulling L out of day care permanently. She is attending kindy 5 days a fortnight as well as being at day care the days she isn't at school. The cost, for me at least, was beginning to hurt the hip pocket.
It's been a long time since I was a "stay at home mum." But I am working as an independent sales consultant and working on my novel, so I am for the most part at home anyway. But the reason we kept L in day care was because she is an active child and needs an extreme amount of attention. When I was working full time and she was at day care it was easier for all involved. But she has gotten a little older now and with her attending school it seems like the right thing to do for all of us. But I am scared shitless.
Change does that to me. I live very much in my head and constantly worry about the outcome of decisions, especially decisions as important as this one. It can't be a trial basis, we are pulling her out of day care and if her or I don't like it, well pretty much tough titties.
I know I have it a lot better than thousands of single parents out there. Lily's Dad is an active part of her and my lives, if I need a break him or E will help me pick up the slack. But for me this is scary. My share of L's custody has just drifted up by about 20% and yes I am in a relationship but no he won't be helping me raise my daughter (more on that one later).
So after Easter it's all hands on deck, quite possibly just my two (eek) and anchors away. Ok I really suck at sailing analogies. And I know some of you are probably wondering why I am making such a big deal out of this, but it is a big deal for me.
Wish me luck
xxx
Saturday, 16 April 2011
This Blogging Thing
So a friend of mine remarked that it was beyond weird that I didn't have a blog. Why you ask? Because I am writing my first book. Apparently being a writer means having a blog so that you can build a fan base.
Whoa! News to me. I mean I read heaps of writers blogs, it just never occurred to me to have one. But it sort of makes sense to me now and it also means I know get why people have certain questions they ask about my book, as follows:
1. What's your book about?
2. How long have you been writing it?
3. Can I read some (like, yeah right!)
4. Do you have a blog?
Then comes the inevitable, so when you sell it can you send me a free copy? Ah newsflash people. The idea is for you to BUY my book so that I actually make money off of it? So unless you are my Mum or my boyfriend (who actually will probably make me read it to him) your going to be paying for it. And you will buy my book. If I ever finish the thing.
So to answer those questions for those that don't know.
1. It's a paranormal romance (no that doesn't mean ghosts)
2. Too long
3. NO!
4. Now I do. ^_^
So I'm going to try my hand at the blogging thing, and if you are going to leave comments (read: please leave comments) be gentle? I'm new to this thing. It actually takes a lot to wrap my head around the idea that someone will be reading everything I have written pretty much straight after I have written it. I have been keeping my book private for so long.
Until we meet again
xxx
Whoa! News to me. I mean I read heaps of writers blogs, it just never occurred to me to have one. But it sort of makes sense to me now and it also means I know get why people have certain questions they ask about my book, as follows:
1. What's your book about?
2. How long have you been writing it?
3. Can I read some (like, yeah right!)
4. Do you have a blog?
Then comes the inevitable, so when you sell it can you send me a free copy? Ah newsflash people. The idea is for you to BUY my book so that I actually make money off of it? So unless you are my Mum or my boyfriend (who actually will probably make me read it to him) your going to be paying for it. And you will buy my book. If I ever finish the thing.
So to answer those questions for those that don't know.
1. It's a paranormal romance (no that doesn't mean ghosts)
2. Too long
3. NO!
4. Now I do. ^_^
So I'm going to try my hand at the blogging thing, and if you are going to leave comments (read: please leave comments) be gentle? I'm new to this thing. It actually takes a lot to wrap my head around the idea that someone will be reading everything I have written pretty much straight after I have written it. I have been keeping my book private for so long.
Until we meet again
xxx
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