Ok before I get to heavy, I just want to make it very clear that I have shared custody of my beautiful daughter and her Dad is one of the best Dad's I have ever known.
L's dad and I split some 2 and a half years ago. The split was as amicable as a relationship break can be. It came from very left field for C, but for me it was inevitable. We lived together up until nearly 6 months ago for a number of reasons. One reason being that it allowed Lily to adjust to the fact that her parents were no longer a couple but still very much a team and another because it was cheaper for us both.
Having just come home from having dinner with C and his wonderful girlfriend at their home (yummy stir-fry) I am reminded of how lucky I am. C's girlfriend and I were out in the driveway and C came out to see that we were still standing there talking to each other. So with promises of catching up soon for coffee I got in my car and drove home, which incidentally is only a 3-4 minute drive at best. Pulling up in my driveway I really did start to think about how lucky I was. E (C's girlfriend) and I get along great, C is my best friend and Lily gets to see her parents getting along on a regular basis.
C and I have maintained a good relationship because it is what is best for L, but we also like each other. I know I genuinely enjoy his company. Which when you have to talk about schooling, child support payments and play dates etc, is very helpful. Tonight we discussed pulling L out of day care permanently. She is attending kindy 5 days a fortnight as well as being at day care the days she isn't at school. The cost, for me at least, was beginning to hurt the hip pocket.
It's been a long time since I was a "stay at home mum." But I am working as an independent sales consultant and working on my novel, so I am for the most part at home anyway. But the reason we kept L in day care was because she is an active child and needs an extreme amount of attention. When I was working full time and she was at day care it was easier for all involved. But she has gotten a little older now and with her attending school it seems like the right thing to do for all of us. But I am scared shitless.
Change does that to me. I live very much in my head and constantly worry about the outcome of decisions, especially decisions as important as this one. It can't be a trial basis, we are pulling her out of day care and if her or I don't like it, well pretty much tough titties.
I know I have it a lot better than thousands of single parents out there. Lily's Dad is an active part of her and my lives, if I need a break him or E will help me pick up the slack. But for me this is scary. My share of L's custody has just drifted up by about 20% and yes I am in a relationship but no he won't be helping me raise my daughter (more on that one later).
So after Easter it's all hands on deck, quite possibly just my two (eek) and anchors away. Ok I really suck at sailing analogies. And I know some of you are probably wondering why I am making such a big deal out of this, but it is a big deal for me.
Wish me luck
xxx
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