You know the expression don't put all your eggs in one basket?Well what if you wake up one morning and fine some fucker has managed to find all your eggs and the basket and fucked off with the lot?
Maybe I should explain??? Here goes....
So after going to bed at what I thought was a pretty reasonable time of 11pm, I then woke up at 4.30am and realised I have completely stuffed my sleep cycle. 6 months of basically only napping during the day and at night so I could be online to talk to my "boyfriend" who lives in the UK when he was online, has really taken it's toll. Now I have to stay awake all day despite not getting enough sleep to try and alter my completely random sleeping pattern.
And while we are on the subject of the "boyfriend" who, I was so eager to go and see this time last week, he has now become the ex-boyfriend. In this very public forum all I will say is that we had an argument, and it didn't end well. In fact it ended with him deciding it was over. Which was pretty heart breaking at the time but now, at only just over 24 hours later, seems petty and ridiculous. Regardless of how I feel about him, in all honesty I can say now it probably wouldn't have worked between us anyway. But I did gain a lot from relationship and I learnt some pretty awesome things about myself. Plus now I feel that a lot of my trust issues have subsided. I mean really, if I can trust a guy who lives a million miles away, I will be able to trust the next guy who comes along who (hopefully) lives in the same city as me.
Then imagine my shock and horror when I opened my door this morning to C dropping off my child and looking at her for what felt like the first time in 6 months. I mean like really looking at her. Realising that I have been so tired and grumpy for the last 6 months that I became complacent as a mother. She is my kid, she will always be there and will always love me and I forgot that we used to be buddies. We used to hang out together and have fun, now she is reluctant to spend time with me. To be honest I don't blame her. It's time to get my little buddy back.
The final thing? I open my book that I once slaved over and it consumed my creative soul and realise that it has been months since I looked at it properly. My last effort of work glares back at me with ill-concealed contempt. It's bad, really bad and I remember writing it. That's the worse part, I remember struggling to put each word on the screen. I feel physically ill at how I could let something I was so passionate about fall to pieces. So now I am editing like nobodies business. Which actually, feels kinda good.
So between the sleep, the ex, my buddy and my book, I feel like, some bastard stole my eggs and the basket too. It will be ok though, I have a plan and I'm going to put it into action. When I do, you can bet that this time those eggs and the basket will be guarded like fort knox. Lucy is back baby!
Ciao
xxxx
No comments:
Post a Comment