Friendship

I tried to think of some witty title for this post or even a funny first line, truth is I am finding more and more that friendship is something I take way too seriously to make light of. Recent events in my life have me questioning exactly what it is that I bring to friendships and what friendship means to me. My mum always told me it was better to have no friends than to have friends I couldn't trust.

She was right. And yet, I still have friends that I am never sure what their motives are. It could be me just being paranoid, but sometimes friends do stab others in the back. And it's not always the ones you hold at arms length. Friends that know everything about you have more potential to hurt you than anyone else. Kind of like how the people who know you best know exactly what to say to hurt you.

I like to think I am a pretty good friend. I can be slack in keeping in touch and catching up often, but call me and say you need me? I'm on my way before the call has ended. Need cheering up? I'll go out and get my crunk on and help you drown your tears in tequila, or stay home and watch movies while eating chocolate and bitching about whoever it was that hurt you. I'll even pick you up from the hospital or jail or even the side of the road if that's what it takes, cos that's what friends are for, right? Or even sit for hours at the end of a call listening to tears and offering words of support. Bottom line is, those situations are where I prove just how good of a friend I am. there will be no hesitation on my end at all. But day to day I get bogged down with my own stuff and I don't always call or visit or in some cases, write. But I love my friends and I would do a lot for them.

I would never ask a friend to give up their own happiness for me. No matter how much it hurt me. But is that me, or is it friendship? When my best friend moved to Tassie, I wanted her to stay in WA so badly, but I wanted her to be happy more. And now she is. That makes me happy. But where do you draw the line? When is it ok to go after something you know will hurt someone just because you think it's what you want? When do you put friendship on the line for your own needs/wants? But most importantly when is it ok to stand up and say, your actions WILL hurt me and our friendship might not survive that?

Maybe it's a dependent upon the situation, or on what level you hold your friendship.  All I know is, this little black duck has put more than one friend's happiness ahead of her own more times than she can count.
For now, I will keep plodding along wondering if I will ever truly understand the complexity that is friendship. But I will have fun figuring it out with the friends I have.

Live long and prosper
xxx